I Recognize Myself.

I have super curly hair... it is unique and it was a burden for me for a long time. I hated my hair.All through middle school and high school I just wanted to look like all the other girls. I just wanted to be normal. I fought with my hair and beat it up... I dried it out with shampooing it every single day and then loaded it up with so much conditioner it was weighed down and then slathered it with so much gel and mousse and hair spray it was stiff and crunchy. I didn't know what to do with my curls that I made them look awful so I hid them. I braided my hair all through middle school and then put it in a tight bun all through high school- neither look was all that flattering. I slowly got tired of hiding it... and slowly just started letting it down and curly.I'm just trying to explain to you that I for the longest time felt ugly and weird and uncomfortable with what God gave me. Honestly... even after I learned how to take care of my hair and make it look nice- I still longed for straight hair. I was happily married to this super handsome guy (still am married to him just so we are clear) who told me how much he loved my hair and would look heart broken every time I sobbed in the bathroom because I just wanted to look normal and have straight hair like all the other girls. I would go to a salon every once in a while just to get my hair straightened for special events- and everyone would gasp and comment how beautiful I looked and it only made me want to keep it more. I would walk by a mirror and not recognize myself... but then I would admire my straight hair.Then everything changed... rather suddenly. I just blinked and my perception changed. My husband was in a wedding- and I wanted to look fantastic next to him in his tuxedo. So I went the salon and got my hair straighten for the wedding, but then at the wedding someone who I had met several times before didn't recognize me. We bumped into each other... he apologized nicely (like a stranger does you know) introduced himself and asked me my name. I chuckled and reminded him who I was and that I was married to a guy that he had grown up with. It was a weird moment when he gave me a strange look, smiled politely, and walked away. He had recognized me and remembered my name several times before... but he couldn't place me this time. Stunned I watch him walk away speechless before I laughed a little to myself. But then that's when it hit me- my curls.I didn't look like myself... I was so blinded by wanting to be normal that I was willing to give up this unique part of my appearance. I carried around all this emotional baggage from high school and middle school when I was teased about my hair that even when I had learned how to make it look awesome and healthy and shinny... all I could see when I looked in the mirror was how different my curls where unpleasant adolescent memories and rejection. My curls make me unique and make me look like me. I realized that I am unique and beautiful... I don't want to look like all the other girls anymore- I want to look like me. I want to recognize myself when I walk by the mirror.I have a few embarrassing photos to show you some of the weird things I did to my hair to manage the curls... to make up for the length of this post. ;)